X.

5/12/09. &so after 6 months of complete absence, I did meet you again today. & you said you're keeping your promise. & you said I'm your first love. & I'm glad that my art of contentment is reached. I wish you the best in life & with her. <3. so World, it's a heartbreak fixed. [=

VALLEY INK.

$70. 6 HOURS. I ALREADY KNOW MY NEXT ONE [=
PAIN = <3333

Lessons Learned, and Wisdom Earned.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you had with him.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon


i almost got kidnapped today
more lessons learned:
go to school on time.
dont let anyone overpower you.
RUN.
dont take anything for granted - life is a pendulum, you never know if the next minute of it is gonna be on its highest point or lowest point.

i saw john for the first time after the break up
& because of my anger, i almost hit two poor innocent girls as i drove off.
lessons learned:
john will never give a fuck.
face reality NOW, or forever have no peace.
john will never fuckin talk to me.
john broke his promise, though it be the hardest thing to accept.
and like i said, the world wont stop for ur grief, so cope with this shit.
open my eyes, and realize what ive been taking for granted & ignored.


it'll all take practice.
but i feel myself growing.

My Life Changing Weekend.

JEANNINE'S TALK 3 SHARING part 1 of 2


JEANNINE'S TALK 3 SHARING part 2 of 2



& as of right now, i miss john. i cant get him off my mind. lately i find myself crying and crying and crying again the way it was bak in november. what good does that do for me though!? if he's happily fucking another ?! idk. idk. but i stay missing&hurting.

John..

why do u still fuckin haunt me. get the fuck out. of my mind. & the heart you fuckin broke.

FUCK YOU&HER.

For Lent, I'm Giving Up...

rice, & still attempting to give up on cussing & myspace.
and as for my fam.ILY; we're giving up jerking & smoking [=

thats gonna be a bee eye tee see aych.
silly chris was like no more jerkin;
just straight up praying sessions!
LOL!
at lunch during filipino club,
i like totally forgot for a sec,
and i was already on my jerkin stance,
tongue out elbows up & everything..
then i froze. haha
silly lojo started jerkin
& i was like OOH IMA TELL OUR LEADER!
hahahaha. and he said he wasn't dfts. ]=
POOOOP. haha.


today. my sister called my ex
on the phone on speaker..
it's been FOUR f'n months since i heard his damn voice.
it hurts to swallow.

for the first time in a long time..
i went to the park.
to play ball with my sis.
or actually, to ball UP my sis*
hahha. pretty dope exercise.
i kinda need that now.
but damn. smoking hella bites you in the ass
got tired QUICK.
i can only run once around the park ]=
anyway,
we witnessed a 911 incident
when we were walkin in the renaissance gate..
a bunchof firetrucks and ambulances came rushin in
so we ran and followed them
hahha. we didnt end up finding out what happend.
tahhaha. cause we were too chicken.
so we just sat in the corner of the street.
acted like that house in the corner was ours.
hahah. well since we came there for nothing,
i said to my sis might as well wave hi to the firefighters.
so thats what we did.
ran on home.
worried that the reason why there were no cops w/ the 911
was cause they were in front of our house lookin' for us.
hahah. cause we came home late.
alright. bye.
i been saying this for the 100th time,
but i need to start debut planning.
fckn. its already 9 months away.
WOW. so near. not sarcastic.

BURN WEEKEND w/ FAMily

FAMILY = chris, jolo, juju, myles & jeannine.

friday - winterformal happened

rolled deep in the limo.

fashionably late.

the vineyards.

dj gino. [yours truly got him the gig]

he forgot his jerk cd's. BURN #1

small ass fckn dance floor BURN 2.

my thighs hurt.

food was fckn good doh!

xcept i ate meat ]=

cutest couple pic!

jolo kneeling down and everything.

we're the yellow,black&gray ppl on the pic btw.

jerk session @ in n out parking lot after.

picked up myles, juju, & chris.

after party and sleep over w/ everybody at my house.

saturday -

had to leave everyone behind back home ]=

had a youth group event first thing in the morn.

fuck i wanted to collapse.

only ran on 2 hrs of sleep.
but i made it up to the fam

they picked me up and busted a mission.

AT LA.

smoked smokes from third.

bong smoked while

cruisin down the street.

[in my six four]

MIA jolo.

richie = replacement.

mmm mexican fckn nachos.

best munchiessss.

haha funny moments.

like when we all started makin beats.

my beat was laughin. hahaha

but the the poo steppin,

bed stealin',

bong water spillin',

car door lockin',

parental guardin',

alarm soundin'

shotgun losin' ,

lent sacrificin',

fake alcohol drinkin',

chris thinkin i was mad at him,

almost gettin down with richie moments?

hahah not the business.

went home.

14 hours of fuckin sleep.

all of us did.

fuckk this whole weekend.

we all still have

"jizz residue on our eyes"

i shuda taken a pic of everyone

KTFO. it was a pretty funny sight.

sunday -

happy birthday brah.

usual church & sunday schedule.

i met two cute guys today.

im hungry.

i want some winter formal food.

finally caught up with blogspot.

currents:

"please dont shoot me!" - cfr

memory lane - the good boise.

tired/lazy.

i'm sitll use to calling him baby. ]=

I'm a Hypocrite.

Friday, February 13, 2008.

spooky house. all white party. LOVE FEST. rob's&jackie's&gabby's birthday party.

oh & i met chris reyes that night.
_______________________________

Saturday. February 14, 2008.
sean's house. "massive" & "guaranteed to jerk" kickback. lmao!

session&valentine's night. chris fuckin' reyes photography.

________________________________________

Sunday, February 15, 2008

took the car out. and I'm a hypocrite cause i ended up having a valentine =\. whenw e asked each other to be valentines, we were like half playin around. but i decided to visit him sunday. he's sick so i thought of buying him some tangerine cuties and a heart shaped box fileld with hugs and kisses to make him feeel better .. metaphysically and figuratively [=. he had me fckn standing in front of his house for a good like.. half hour -_- cause he had to take a dump first =\ WHACK! how ironic. he tryna get ME sick. lol. it was pretty funny though. though, i was shittin bricks cause i took the benz out. but he made it up when he gave me a "thank you" in return. teeeheee. so yeah. 2/15/08 - my first kiss w/ a friend i've known for a looong time.

I feel vulnerable everytime i go to church. because i always have that weird vibe that john's just gonna randomly show up and see me or that i'd randomly see him walk by. and idk.. when im at church i think a lot. cause 95% of my prayer time is about john and then theres the memories we had at church when he'd go with my family. fuhhhh. i hate this. ever since this day, i find myself hella thinkin about him again =\

nate robinsion t he kryptonite. WUH!? yayuhhhh. makes me wanna play ball again.

___________________________________

TODAY.

it was cold when i woke up. though, txts from myles, &chris rey woke me up. fuck 3 day weekends are always like.. ehh. like whenf riday comes u hella look forward to it. when monday comes.. theres NOTHING to do. esp cause i woke up from the hard ass fckn drip drops of the rain on my window pannnee. hahah i got the blueees! okay enough.

i couldn't help but cry again. jordan made me think of how much of an ass john is and was to me. he straight up teling me he's hella happy now. god. whatta friend. but he helped me come otu with the conclusion that its either i move on withouthim or move on with him as a friend. as much as i'd rather pick the latter more than anything, i gotta ignore my feelings until it just fckn rubs off by itself and move on without him. cause i feel like if i move on by approaching him and being the bigger person, it wouldn't be mutual. cause he's fine with or without me. hes livin' life like it is. not givin a fuck about anything like he'll porlly be pretty good at playin like he never knew me. though, i'm keeping him in my prayers as much as i disappoint my friends cause of doing that. honestly, i can't feel content without him being there, like knowing that he'll be there for me, even just as a friend. thats the thing i feel is missing. if you knew me before john, you know what i mean. cause john held me down. i miss that asshole. =\

i made an oovoo account. haha funnnn shit. session'd w/ juju, rob & jolo.

F Valentine's Day.

ima pass this year. just the thought of love is sickening. hahah okay!?
lol. whatever. thats as emo as i can get.
i have NO PLANS today. =[ would YOU be my valentine?
love fest last night.
at the wharehouse .. wherehouse. wearhouse. werehose. omg.
the spooky house at canoga/nordhoff. there.
haha. i shined my flashlight at this one room..
OMFG. scary as FUCK.
the whole place was.
but i left early.
chris f'n reyes. jolo. & terence.
puff puff pass.
terence jerkin.
me & jolo -longest laugh contest.
chris was still. lol
then went home right after.
& KTFO.
oh wow. and sam ...
gah. he's tryna say his sorry's to me.
god its never a good vibe aorund him.
whatever. last night's sesh was kinda a gettaway
from everything, i guess.
i took the car out.
right when i parked it back home..
i close the garage
and it went right back up.
cause my mom came at the same time.
but i didnt get in trouble.
cause it was friday the 13th[;
hahah.
fuck! and i took home claire's phone ];
well have fun today.
idk what im up to.
it was nice seein' donnnnie<3
chatsworth vs. cleveland.
fuuuh, i tell ya about those cheerleaders.
hahah that reminds me..
me, puerko, jolo&lance.
tahahha had a valentine photoshoot
during lunch. LMFAOOO.
funny shit. cant wait for the pic.

New Kids On The Block.

lance's 1st day.
tyler's 2nd day.
jayy's 3rd day.
myles is gay.
& as for me...
1st sparks laydayy [; yahah.

it was cold today. =[

MMM. yogurtzone.

cleon from abdc called. -__- suddenly, i feel like ignoring all theyr calls from now on. he talked to shane sparks about me though!!! i feel speciaaal hahah he said he was thinkin/talkin about me the whole night last night. lol. deeeyum, its that charm i have... hahaha SIIIIIIKE.

so uhhh.. who wants to be part of my "quest qrew"?! [;
rooollll DEEEP w/ usss!

WELCOME TO CHATSWORTH...
tyler tooo!***
woww. portola days again?! prettty doope!
but freal now, outta all schools,
WHY is everyone transferring to chatsworth?!
eeeek!





jolo's 2nd day at chatsworth.









mom told me to go to ralph's really quick.
& i ended up bumpin' into my dad.
this is how i said my hello.

America's Best Dance Crew.

w/ brianne ward.

DOWNS-
didnt get a VIP bracelet b/c we were a bit too near the front of the line & they were givin' out one too many black wristbands to people in front of us; NOTE: DO NOT wear heels DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. find a way to look good without 'em!; COLD AS FUCK. DO NOT wear a dress lmao on a cold day. waiting in line is a beeeyotch. bring food & games to keep u company! (though we saw vince and a few other kennedy people that kept us company and hooked us up with cutting near the front).

UPSide DOWNS-
bri&i got seats so high, but we just straight up went back down after they sat us. and sat behind where vince and everybody else were sittin at. turns out, two omarion look-a-like twins sat between me [; guess their names.. pretty confusing actually. bri&i thought it was crayon, dion, kian, but it turns out thir names are leon&cleon. tahhaha. very foiiine, exchanged numbers and emails/facebooks, but too much on the dirty side =\ they hurl for asian girls. eeek! but they do got hookups though. childhood friends with shane. cleon inviting me to go to vegas with him (low key i go to pierce and im 18) tahaha! but i turned down the offer. though he's still willing to take me out for lunch. aint nothin but a simple get together meal, ehh?

i saw "kool raul" RJ from supreme soul, and i straight up yelled MABUHAY!!!! so he handed me a KNOW YOUR RANK shirt ! doopeeee!

low key, im down to chill with cleon&leon. they kick it with shane and he kept tellin me to kick it with him, and not to ignore his call hahah. i mean damn he was tellin me they were gonna eat out and then play wii at shane's. hahah. i love how we were messin with fly khicks with theyr thick thighss and all though! then all of a sudden she flashes us her ring ... BURN!

marcus.. little brother of moesha in her show, and the best friend in a cinderella story sat with cleon&leon but he left so stoleeee that! haha. & of course that fineee ass girl from american teenager's there. cause shes goin out with shane/lives with shane. uhm affion crockett, of course johnny from dancing on sunset (he's there everyweek), and idk who else im missing were there.

oh btw i saw EJ's cousin, ceasar/cj, and his girl?, julie, tryton, then tehre were friends who saw me that i didnt see. but look out for me! & bri! and vince! we're holding up a biggg ass FREAK THE VOTE sign and my supreme soul shirt !

court day.

me & jolo attempted to go to court today. it's a grownn thingg. he went to the court hall in LA though. i went to the chatsworth one. that's it for today. moral of the story, dont fuck with the police. if you do, get ready talkin grown in front of the judge and patiently waitin in line for a few too many hours. yep.

ABDC TMRW. w/ mahh roooll dawg, breee.
i will attempt to get the VIP wristband...
like the previous times i went [; hahaha.
gotta looook goood.
i'll let you know how that goes.

first day of second semester tmrw.
WELCOME TO CHATSWORTH, jolo, lance, & chance!

it's too cold to take a dump.

leme start off by saying, HI TO MY ANONYMOUS FOLLOWERS! i lowkey know who you are.


& secondly, i am not talking to jolo. i told him i only see him as a friend, scratch the past (past few weeks), we stay best friends. i felt like we were hella fast, and it didnt feel right. yes, i get that we look cute together from everybody its actually starting to become very predictable, but he's currently helping me with guy problems and i'm helping him with personal problems. & i'm currently puffy-eyed because actually i just got off the phone with him cause i found myself STILL crying about john ]= idk why, idk how, idk idk idk. but i broke down on the phone. i hate this. to me, he is non-existent. i feel like i never even knew a guy named john rodriguez... and i hate it. i want to be friends. but please don't tell him i said that cause i'm patiently but impatiently waiting for him to make the move. the first move. something he never attempted on doing - taking the initiative on any situation, that is. so if u still dont get it by now,i havent heard from john ever since 11/11... the day we broke up. and 11:11 is haunting me ever since. i know its stupid to mention, but its just a bit crazy that i keep catching 11:11 on the dot most of the time. like without me trying. blv it or or dont blv it. though i really don't know when the next time i'm gonna bump into john, but i'm fine with not seeing/talking/hearing from him until i save the last dance for him as my 18th rose.. on my debut.... at the end of this year. idk. it just seems so possible that, as much as that's a long time, it just might happen.





so me,sean, and his dad were jerkin' on the dance floor today. hella jerked a bit too much. but i'll stop right there. oh & i told him that he'll be officiallly my escort for my debut [; thing is.. my bday's on dec 27. thats a sunday. 26. is a saturday. so most likely that day and cake blowing at midnight. but thing is, thats a day after christmas =\ the next saturday it's the day after new year's =\ so january 9th?! idk! first problem&stress right there. more to go. i already have a lot planned out... buttttt =X





so today was my church's 20th anniversary celebration. i was suppose to act as a main character on one of the performances.. i came late.. everybody mad... mom booked it on the freeway and everything.. came and found out someone else just took the role instead. geeeey.





kellie's debut. last night. (my old bball teammate... back in elementary!)


everybody's slowly but quickly hittin legality fuckkkk!


DOOOOOOOOOOOPE. old faces! a few ex's. -_- brought back goood times though! man was i fuckinnn crazy on the dance floor. fuck. it's just getting me more psyched about MY debut! fuckkk my court's gonna be lookin like one of a kind! u'll see why[; and why am i saying fuck so much. im gettin my dresses done in the philippines & i guess everybody else's. yepyepyep.





quote: all that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream -eap.

suddenly, dreams are nothing but a gripful of nonsense in your head... that will haunt you forever.


take care always baby. i pray for you& your family all the time.


p.s.
john's brother and my brother both passed away at the age of 11. thats 11&11. like.. 11/11. am i wrong to think that it weirdly connects so well?!



God bless - Jeannine.

420.

is coincidentafuckinly my curent savings in my drawer. and juju said "hi future stoner" and myles said "hi pothead". and that is why moral of the story, juju and myles are alike. funny thing is, me and jolo were talking about that exact topic today when i saw him at chatsworth checkin in. yeah its official.. in myles wise words.. "baby boo officially goes to chatsworth now!" . ehh. he's not even a baby! he's a grown man. and he's noo body's boo. lol.

haha it felt like jolo already transferred. he already met a gripful of people and we were hanging out afterschool with everybody else since we all dont have a fckkkkknn CARRRRRRRRR to get on home away from the horrifying dreadful rain.

FUCK. tell me why i gained 10 pounds. -_____________________________- not the business. STFU. fuckkkk....in' up. i need to stop getitn' the munchies. or better yet, cease the kush.

oh btw, janeson just dropped by just earlier after the laker game.. slanged my puppy to him. 2 down. 1 more to go. oh please, somebody help me get rid of this bitch.

oh yeah. totally bombed the math final. FUCKKK YEAHHH. never smoke before a final. -_- and as for US history.. dont everrrr get mr. stevens as a teacher. so there was the scantron part.. the fckn map test.. 5 essay questions.. WHILE a video was playing for u to take notes while u take the test. DA FUCK RIGHT? whatever. i just googled all my answers anyway.

yayyy. im done with finals before youuuu is. haha. okay no. but yeah. last day of finals is tmrw but for me its cooking and golf. my golf final is breakfast at ihop. and as for cooking... mr lauten's not even gonna be there. so there goes a 4 day weekend for me.

wtf why is everybody transferring to chatsworth? lance got kicked out of taft .. so he's transferring too. hm. i feel sleepy. but fuck i reall yneed to work out . low key i hate myself for gaining pounds.. i might cry. lol. siiiiiike. i think im in love. siiiiiike.




because i got high.

quote.
"blame it on the koosh." - jeannine. it's a wise quote. i made it.

Before you come in a bathroom stall,

check and make sure there's fuckin tissue paper.

it didnt happe to me. it was just a random thought today when i thought it was happening to me.. then it was just hiding underneath the black container shit.

Quote of the day: Show me how to do it like you show me how to do it - stevie wonder.

attempted to go to abdc again. failed.

look closely. thers two men in a hoodie... fckn scary.

jump rope sessions during lunch is GROWN.

Covenant & Repentance for His Call.

so i got accepted by the modeling/acting agency..
but with the economy that we, the people of the united states, have on this day, i turned them down.

so i know this is random..
but i went up to my dad just to hug him and say.. "you're the only man who will never break my heart." and i tried to swallow after that. my throat didnt let me. low key; HE's still on my mind. just cause sometimes i just hope he's doing okay and that she's treatin' him right. but hey what can i do.. i love him. he loves her. so i just pray it out. and Walk it out With Jesus Daily. [;

so i went to mass twice today...
the alemany mass w/ alexis' family since i slept over; then i went to the 1245 st. john eude's mass with mine.. oh i saw john's aunt. no, i didn't ask about him.. i just acted like an old friend she hasnt seen in awhile.. but all she kept talking about was how she heard that i was on abdc and tv and stuff like that.

so ricky...
is this sweet guy.. but i'm all for jolo as of right now. i met him last night when me and alexis and john and kimchi and him were suppose to ......... uhh.. chill [; but i ended up just paying john 10 bucks for gas since we ended up not doin anythin. whatevuh whatevuh. oh, oh no sir, not that john. anyway point is.. ricky.. even though he was thizzin'; thought i had a cute smile and dahdahdah BOOM u know where that goes. he gets my number from alexis and he starts textin i start txtin back then he goes let's have lunch, if your available. and so i say why not? i mean. aint nothin wrong with a friendly acquainted get together meal, right? i mean.. people gotta eat with this recession up our asses..[;

so the title of this post..
i actually listened to BOTH masses and participated and even sang and everything. yeahyeahyeah whatevuh. lol. the priest said we need to feed on some food. spiritually, of course. but its pretty clever how he started off saying i bet u guys have a big appetite since its so early in the morn... [9 am] and then yeah he went on from there. then the 2nd mass i went to.. we should get ready and accept and listen to God's calling because the time to act and repent is NOW. and i mean i could go on and on with this but i'll just let ur mind do the talking with that.. mayn i felt so holy today no lie.. i even volunteered to be the main character in my other church's play for the church's anniversary next month [; actually i hesitated COMPLETELY and when i realized i was the only kid outta the box, i was like fine. whyyyy not. & i feel like they prayed that i was gonna make a move when i was tryna avoid them. if your really hella interested on that.. im gonna be acting the role of the guy on SET ME FREE look it up on Godtube.com [;

so winter formal...
i loveee alexis. not only cause shes a lil cute fuck, but cause she hooked it up with a fuckin dopeee ass dress for me to borrow so i wont have to buy one [; WOOOT. and boy, does it goes. i fucking LOVE IT. i canNOT wait for fckn formal cause of it. omg she is the tick tick. my lifesaver. oh its yellow btw, and im gonna wear my famous spiral silver heels; my famour silver fat belt. and my date is gonna wear a yellow vest and a silver tie or vice versa. guess who? [;

so..
i should bounce. and i promise i'll put up some pics up in this bland boring blogspot of mine next time. meanwhile, i start tonight.. and cram the whole night fucking through.. on 3 weeeks of fuckin schoolwork [;

THIS WEEK'S RECAP.

fruckk i love everyone [; YOU.. YOUU.. YOOU & YOUUU.
sooo abdc next week then the next week with 4 tix.. hmmm.
sanamluang is epmty and slow now.
goose. jeann&juice. patron. & kushhhh.
invented the best frckn munchies.
i miss FCJC & YFC. c
hatsworth is getting less gayer.
oh did you really? after strikers? haha yeah. me too.
granasssty won and lost.
elco lost and won.
chatsworth lost and lost.
taft won and won.
chuck e cheese is empty and slow now too.
i can barely afford winter formal.. we'll see.
i dreamed the other night that mom bought me a car ];
dad's surprise was not what i thoguht it wud be ];
vons moistiest cakes are the bomb.
grown ass man, wuh?!
my computer has a virus ];
first sign i should start catching up on 3 weeks of homework.
so i got a phone call. modeling/acting auditions at beverly hills at 2. and im still in my pj's.
im sooper hungry.
gotta make abdc signs tonight.
attempt to do another mission impossible tonight.
we'll see we'll see.
i missed uy's&silos's kickback ]';
and april's "swaray"
lalaaalaaa.im hungry.

The very first time I opened up to Mom.

"i'm very proud of him. actually, i trust him and love him so much more
now. he was very good to you, that is what you call a gentleman. one of
a kind, who made sure mind was over matter, that the mind was always
first before the heart. now that you have experienced love, to be loved,
to date, to get hurt, now its time to experience to grow up. take that with
you to help you grow .. and in the end love can wait. you dont need to
let go, just set him free. if something happened to you last night, do you
not realize he would be the first to come look for you? i would have
called him if something went wrong and you know and i know he would
be very worried. he cares for you. thats why he did it. honestly, you
suffocated him from falling in love with the idea of just being in love when
he always had the mentality that it was not the time to be serious, or at
least too serious - and that is why he never took initiative. but you're
telling me he promised he'll make it up to you one day, and i, myself
can't wait for that day. i'm scared for you now. you know why? because i
know the next guy won't be anything like him. so please, the best
suggestion i can say is, it will hurt worse the second time around. so
make new priorities with these changes and make sure God and your
studies are number one. time will heal" - mom.

Nocturnality & Nighthawking.

okay fuck you for laughing in the next minute, but im already fucking ready for school. LMFAO. and its 5:44 am. WTF?! already. a min ago it was 5 on the dot. anyway. so i didnt bother fighting the jetlag. so here i am wide AWAKE. daytime's bedtime for me.

BOOO. birmingham beat us today. very first bball game i actually watched. but FUCKK brandon is DOWNN. fuckk we got wayy too many HELL points for pointin at random .. FRIENDS and making fun of them. hahah . whatevuh.

oh. hahah. last tuesday i gave out like.. 7 barrel men to people.. including 3 teachers. God it made my per 1 teacher's day. he said it himself. haha. it was just funny how there were just a bunch of barrel man dicks poppin' out all over school that day..

so im tellin myself im gonna go barge in john's house .. this time forsure.. today.. to get all the shit i gave him back. ps3.. 2k9.. my cookies in the fckn freezer.. the pacquiao shirt.... oaky no i need to stop. cause there's just wayy too fuckin much to list. =\

GOD. i CANNOTTT wait for winter formal AT ALLLL. like even though im still dateless, and too broke for a dress, i'll make it haapp. i got someone in mind but idk if he's gonna get along with everyone in the limo aka just the group im goin with. and im in charge of gettin a few hookah sets for the limo ride [; and then there's the pre-formal drinking session. woooot. ew. low key i hateee anything alcohol.

so its funny how i sleep when i get home from school.. wake up after midnight.. and basically dont do SHIT till schools tarts. which is reall ybad because i have not dont ANYTHING .. any hw ... and im behind 2 weeks .. almost 3 weeks of schoolwork now .. cause i skipped a couple since i was in the philippines the whole month of december. whackkk. im sooo crammin' tmrw night. o well. that's after i go to brooklyn's birthday dinner and get my shit from my ex's.

janis had the fckn nerve to say "get off my case" so i threw a handful of some harsh honesty at her.. sayin "YOU GOT SOME NERVE TWISTIN SHIT UP. only way i get off your case is if you miraculously fix your face! shady ass bitch recognize urself. FUCKINN UP, BUTTERFACE!" yeah.. sounds familiar? haha. its called myspace drama bitchesss. hahaha. i know.. stupid but effective. i love it.

hm. well just a heads up.. friday hopefully i see ricky so he can see the pups and so IF i dont get my shit back tmrw.. im goin friday when i know ricky's gonna chill with john frsure. cause that was his plan... to help me get my shit back..yeah.. its that big of a deal. then saturday.. winterfresh part II! hopefully perrents fckn cool it w/ the punishment. cause before the party im about to tag up the whole fckn valley and doo crazy shit with ken&jordann. ah, cant wait. if there is anything to wait for saturday. oh and i got a Youth For Christ chapter assembly that day . almost forgot. but man.. i stilllll havent gotten that why-did-you-sneak-out lecture dad promised to me. lol.

cherrry poppper.

i took myles for the first time to chipotle today. actually he drove there but i paid. haha. typical. never really had a guy actually pay for me for foood. oh wait nvm sina bought me animal fries and took me bowling last week. hahah. i was broke no joke. but i guess that was the only time anyone really paid for me. whatever . next subject.

sooo.. did YOU get the memo? 90% of students wore plaid today... including me. whatta trip. you shoulda seen it. but this fckn hicky is not the business. i got a few LOLs but mostly jaw droppin reactions =\ esp. since i wore a button down.

so my teachers just kept throwin 2 weeks of missed schoolwork at me today. but fuck it. im knockin out right now. thats it for now.

"if you love something, set it free....

...if it returns, keep it and love it forever."
as for me.. moving someplace new sounds sooo exciting. i might actually consider it.

so today i got caught sneaking out last night. nick, gino, and vitug picked me up. at 1 am. looked for somewhere to chill but ended up stayin at justin's. then nick dropped me off at jolo's place. i basically spent the night there till i realized i got a missed call from my grandpa. man. i didnt even know how to react. my mind blanked out. jolo took me back and i told him i was hella bored and cudnt sleep so "i went to carls jr w/ Joel and Dana since i was hungry". i mean after all to them they only thought i was out for an hour. but anyway. my dad called today yelling saying he's gonna have to talk to me when they get back from DC. ehhh. whatever. whatever happens happens.

anyway. a few mins ago i found myself crying again so i took my Kuya's old bible [who btw passed on 7 years ago] and asked God to talk to me through the Bible. i put the bible on my chest and embraced it while crying and praying. right when i opened it.. i read that foolish children bring grief to their fathers and bitter regrets to their mothers. and that it is slow death to always feel gloomy. idk it just really fits what im going through. that i should stop being foolish cause it hurts my parents and that i should be happy cause its the only way to keep healthy. and that im slowly killing myself if i stay gloomy.

so that's that. i feel kinda better. and ricky always tries to cheer me up and it helps but you know how it is. well school starts tmrw.. and im still up doing this. cause i really cant sleep. i woke up around 11.. cause i basically slept most of the day... the most decent rest i've had all week. damn this jetlag . well. i guess ill try to go back to sleep even though i should try catching up on 2 weeks missed of school work right before winter break. bleh.

Hurt me so good.

that you loved me so bad. FUCK A BITCH. you just wanna fuckin experience some titty fucking with your eyes closed PLUS a bag over her head. i'm already practicing on the best laugh for the day you come cryin back to me. honestly, i could be telling you right now.. "you dont have to wait for me, as much as i'd like that.. but promise me if u do find a new girl.. please make sure she's better than i was and will continue giving you what you deserve" but i cant. cause shes not. in so many ways already. FUCK YOU for liking her during US. and FUCK YOU for jumpin on another right when u became single. i hate to say i love you sooooo much. that nothing can change that. i really do. and even if i move on.. i wont be in love with you but you'll always stay in the most precious spot in my heart. after all, you were my first love. until you fucked it all up. at least grow some balls for that bitch janis. dont expect her fuckin babying her and doing everything for you and constantly letting her run both your lives.. cause newsflash! grow up and fucking be a man on your own for once. theres no more jeannine in ur life.

Unrequited Love.

HA! looks aint nothin?! so then you do admit she FUGGGGLY. make sure u decapitate her in bed when u get ur "grown man" on cause thats all u want anyway!