I'm a Hypocrite.

Friday, February 13, 2008.

spooky house. all white party. LOVE FEST. rob's&jackie's&gabby's birthday party.

oh & i met chris reyes that night.
_______________________________

Saturday. February 14, 2008.
sean's house. "massive" & "guaranteed to jerk" kickback. lmao!

session&valentine's night. chris fuckin' reyes photography.

________________________________________

Sunday, February 15, 2008

took the car out. and I'm a hypocrite cause i ended up having a valentine =\. whenw e asked each other to be valentines, we were like half playin around. but i decided to visit him sunday. he's sick so i thought of buying him some tangerine cuties and a heart shaped box fileld with hugs and kisses to make him feeel better .. metaphysically and figuratively [=. he had me fckn standing in front of his house for a good like.. half hour -_- cause he had to take a dump first =\ WHACK! how ironic. he tryna get ME sick. lol. it was pretty funny though. though, i was shittin bricks cause i took the benz out. but he made it up when he gave me a "thank you" in return. teeeheee. so yeah. 2/15/08 - my first kiss w/ a friend i've known for a looong time.

I feel vulnerable everytime i go to church. because i always have that weird vibe that john's just gonna randomly show up and see me or that i'd randomly see him walk by. and idk.. when im at church i think a lot. cause 95% of my prayer time is about john and then theres the memories we had at church when he'd go with my family. fuhhhh. i hate this. ever since this day, i find myself hella thinkin about him again =\

nate robinsion t he kryptonite. WUH!? yayuhhhh. makes me wanna play ball again.

___________________________________

TODAY.

it was cold when i woke up. though, txts from myles, &chris rey woke me up. fuck 3 day weekends are always like.. ehh. like whenf riday comes u hella look forward to it. when monday comes.. theres NOTHING to do. esp cause i woke up from the hard ass fckn drip drops of the rain on my window pannnee. hahah i got the blueees! okay enough.

i couldn't help but cry again. jordan made me think of how much of an ass john is and was to me. he straight up teling me he's hella happy now. god. whatta friend. but he helped me come otu with the conclusion that its either i move on withouthim or move on with him as a friend. as much as i'd rather pick the latter more than anything, i gotta ignore my feelings until it just fckn rubs off by itself and move on without him. cause i feel like if i move on by approaching him and being the bigger person, it wouldn't be mutual. cause he's fine with or without me. hes livin' life like it is. not givin a fuck about anything like he'll porlly be pretty good at playin like he never knew me. though, i'm keeping him in my prayers as much as i disappoint my friends cause of doing that. honestly, i can't feel content without him being there, like knowing that he'll be there for me, even just as a friend. thats the thing i feel is missing. if you knew me before john, you know what i mean. cause john held me down. i miss that asshole. =\

i made an oovoo account. haha funnnn shit. session'd w/ juju, rob & jolo.